Went to see the house again, the inspection went flawlessly. Had nice lunch, slept the whole way back. Am feeling somewhat lonely and bored, alone home on Saturday night, but is own fault as didn't make plans for tonight. ( 7:41 PM )
Buggered up the previous post. Time for bed. ( 2:02 AM )
Listening to: Sheryl Crow Unplugged, "Strong Enough".
Had this thought whilst driving Gramma to the dr. the other night: she was yapping away in the usual way (i.e., annoying, critical, and brainless) and we were stuck in hellish traffic on 287. And yet, I'd rather be there, at that moment, than on the island w/ D.
Had another thought: am rolling my eyes v. much lately, to indicate both disgust and frustration. Sometimes both.
After watching TTT tonight, am feeling adventuresome. Wish there were a quest I could go on, as am confident much evil booty could be kicked. Am ready to lay the smackdown on forces of darkness. However, am aware of personal limitations to this end: am neither v. fighty nor talented magically, and likely to perish v. quickly once battle begins.
Is shame that personal weapon of choice (sharp tongue) not recognized as the powerful method of eviceration that it is. Is shame that verbal abuse cannot actually physically incapacitate. Would have made my life v. different and vastly improved. Just imagine the carnage.
Am handy with a ladle, or perhaps spatula-- could deliver many stinging blows to enemy's head with same. Hm-- ladle filled with hot liquid substance could be launched at head of unsuspecting bad guy. Hm-- hot liquid substance could be chili, w/ lots of cayenne in it. I could aim for the eyes. Triple threat of wound from blow from ladle, scalding, and pepper-spray-like blindness. ( 1:47 AM )
Listening to: Joe Cocker, "You Can Leave Your Hat On"
Saw The Two Towers w/ J tonight. Thought it was terrific, but he was disgruntled that it wasn't faithful enough to the book. AFAIC, there was eye candy galore so was more than happy. Aragorn was once more in need of a good scrubbing, but he makes the dirt work for him, and manages intense hotness; Legolas needs to lay a couple of elvish kisses on me; Boromir's brother was scarily alike Sean Bean, and gorgeous in his own right: I simply adore a man who is both handsome and menacing. Even that Rohan guy who was exiled was a hottie.
Blonds, blonds everywhere; I was a happy happy girl tonight, watching this movie. I feel my store of fantasies replenishing as I type; perhaps my quest to end my celibacy was prematurely undertaken. I thought Aragorn should have taken up with the niece of Rohan's king, and left Arwen to get it on with Legolas, because I think the humans will have more in common with each other, likewise with the elves. Also don't like the idea, as explored in the movie, of Arwen having to deal with Aragorn's short mortal lifespan-- with Legolas that wouldn't be an issue.
Only thing that interrupted the flow of the movie were my memories of those diaries: "Sam will kill him if he tries anything" and Gimli saying that Legolas was "the gayest elf to ever nance down the pike". Couldn't stop giggling, am sure was annoying those around us.
J gave me a 2-cd collection of wacked-out Xmas music, also novelty mug with RingWraith #5 on it deploring how he "detests this life of vile servitude". Heh. ( 11:16 PM )
Listening to: Billy Bragg & Wilco, "Way Over Yonder in the Minor Key", which sucks like a hoover. Changed station, now listening to God Himself, Eddie Izzard! Yeehaw! He was on about fashion issues in the middle ages, how the only colour available was brown: New Spring Collection, in brown. Summer Sizzles, in brown. And how the monks were especially short-changed in the fashion department, as all they had to wear were brown robes, the only variation being "hood-up" for that mysterious enigmatic look or "hood-down" if you're into iconoclastic shock value.
Spoke with D last night, seems a friend of his*, who was dumped by her longtime fiancé around the same time I left Canada, is already seeing someone else. So, obviously not staying with the heartbroken and abandoned feeling... and it got me thinking.
Is there something wrong with people like J and me? J hasn't been with the hell-cow for ~2 years now, and there's still a lot of pain and anger and resentment in him about her. Is only natural, as she treated him about as well as a dog treats a hydrant. He's only just now beginning to be able to trust a woman again. It's been almost 6 months for me and the idea of being with another man makes me gag-- being with someone besides D feels wrong. Even the contemplation of it feels wrong.
And not just wrong in an infidelity way, but wrong on a cosmic scale, like doing it will cause the planet's orbit to go off-kilter or the heavens will split asunder. I feel like I've been split down the middle and half of me is missing-- I bonded my soul to D, and now that it's over it's as if, in pulling away, a goodly chunk of me has remained behind with him. How do I go about getting it back? Can I get it back? Do I want to get it back?
* At one time I thought this girl was my friend too, but it turns out she's just another dishonest twat. GodDAMmit I don't care if people hate me but I do mind if they are too fecking cowardly to be honest about it. See, she and her SO are pagan also, and D and I would celebrate sabbats with them. Until one time she told us that they were going to do sabbats alone from that point forward. I asked her point-blank, "I hope it's not due to anything we've done?" and she assured me no, it had nothing to do with D and/or I.
Turns out, it really did have something to do with me! I was messing up the energy or something, because she felt I wasn't taking it "seriously" or something like that. [rolling her eyes] What-evah. People like her make me appreciate people like M and J so much more. Their honesty can be brutal, but I can trust them. They don't lie to me. That's more valuable to me than ego-stroking and politesse any day. ( 11:29 AM )
Listening to: George Harrison, "I've Got My Mind Set On You".
Am feeling festive today, in spite of mobbed stores and poorly-behaved hellspawn doing their part to make shopping a horrid experience. Went with V today for my sample shop, which went v. well. We also went to Café de Paris for lunch (me: sandwiche de dinde et brie, orangina; her: spinache quiche, tea; shared: crepes suzette, more tea).
After, went to Marshall's and Targé. Former was nasty, all noise and mess and chaos. Had nice, cheap linen water in lilac and rose, so might return for that. Targé had exactly what I needed: warm, soft, comforting dressing gown w/shawl collar and belt in an effulgent (hah! 5 points for William the Bloody Awful Poet!) shade of crimson, and a warm, soft, comforting nightshirt in a minty-fresh green knit. Am wearing it at the mo' with much delight, having updated the appearance of this blog whilst wearing it. Hope yall like the Xmas version, I love my wee dollies.
Quandary: Bellringer's. Should I go, or not? V is not feeling v. eager to attend. Apparently M is dayboard-o-cratting, perhaps should offer to help. Would give me summat to do, as have noticed events have become v. dull since my voluntary exile to The Frozen North (tm). Don't want to not go to events, but jeebus they can be dull. Am not huge fan of sitting on butt yapping about inconsequentials.
Am thinking of starting New Year's Resolutions list. First on list, I think: end celibacy. Important, as am using far too many batteries and is getting expensive. Likelihood of success: middling. Am strongly doubting my ability to refrain from either sobbing or barfing on the potential celibacy-ending candidate. Perhaps should wait until the idea of sex with any but D doesn't give me panic attack.
Second on list: be nicer to people/procure ability to refrain from snapping at idiots. I am a bad, rude girl. Will catch more flies with honey than vinegar, if may employ stupid cliché. Likelihood of success: unlikely, as are far too many idiots in the world and they keep getting in my way. M insists they're in HER way but is wrong. Unless is driving down Route 9, in which case they really ARE all in her way. Is truly jinxed.
Christmas Eve dinner: am thinking of shrimp cocktail and stuffed clams for starters, then shrimp parm. and linguine w/real clam sauce for entrées, and buckets of good Rhine wine with the lot. Dessert: unknown. Perhaps white-chocolate something? Could check godiva.com for recipes. Perhaps white-chocolate and raspberry something? Chistmas Day: not responsible. Will do my usual brunch if requested; if not, will sod off and relax. ( 9:37 PM )
Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz
Chili was good, tried not to be too hostile to M but jeebus, she just dumped my brother, and much the same was and reasons that D dumped me, so am not thinking it was unreasonable to mostly ignore her. Is lucky didn't get doused with chili.
My sample shop is tomorrow up near V, so will go visit her. Perhaps will be able to convince her to have lunch at that French place-- don't expect much arm-twisting will be required. ( 9:16 PM )
My first day of freedom! And it feels good!
Went to training for the shopper job, they're quite the sticklers for precise information and form-filling but in all should be good. Fun, even. Will prolly make ~$200/week, which is v. good and just about what I'll need. For less than 15 hours/week, it's terrific. I do a sample shop tomorrow and she'll let me know if I did well enough to hire. Wish me luck! Send me good-will vibes!
Got lots to do today: my brother L is coming for supper, as is Mom's fiance H so am making chili. Of course, have none of the ingredients in the house so must dash to store. However, must first dash to bank for money for groceries. Must also dash to mall, as have need of eyeliner, mascara, lipgloss, eyeshadow, tea tree oil for these damned persistent spots am suffering at moment. And perhaps a trip to Targé is in order, am feeling the need for warm snuggly pajamas. And must get to the college today as well, to declare my programme and figure out financial aid.
Am no less busy without job-from-hell than I was with, it would seem. ( 11:35 AM )
What wankers I worked for. Wish I could say I was shocked, but I can't-- that's how businesses treat their employees-- like a dog treats a fire hydrant, or convenient bush.
Here's what happened: I quit yesterday, to give them plenty of time to find a replacement to train before my last day of December 29. They waltz in to the office at just before 1 pm and tell me to leave immediately! Like, not even to finish out the last hour of the day. They don't want me to train the new person, don't want anything at all except for me to go.
So go I did, with great pleasure. B looked all sour-faced when I told him I already had a job lined up, with training tomorrow AM. Hah! And this job will be way better for me, more flexible, less dressy, and best of all no B, E, and T control-freaking out. Hah! No more goddamned copying! Hah!
So, about the other job: it'll be secret shopping for quality assurance purposes, same place as J's friend D. Not going to say any more than that, as then it wouldn't be too secret, would it? ( 2:12 PM )
Find Your Spot is a cool site that asks you questions and, based on the results, tells you the best places in the country to live. My top three were Albuquerque NM, Danbury CT, and Hartford CT. ( 4:39 PM )
Well, I did it-- I resigned. So far, it's gone well. T called and was very pleasant about it, I thought she'd be somewhat bitter but hey, the day ain't over yet. I wonder what B's and E's reactions will be. And if T will remain pleasant. I sure wish I could get out of here ASAP but I'll give them at least to the end of the week, and perhaps on Friday let them know.. here's hoping they start looking for interviewees right away, it would be great if I could be out of here on Friday but I don't see that happening. Esp. with next week's holiday and all. It's an awkward time of the year, and I'm sorry for that, but this position is no longer tenable if I want to also retain my sanity. Personally, I think they should hire L, at least for long-term temping. She's been here over a week, and is bright and competant, and getting familiar with how they do things. They could do much worse.
On another note, today I took the 16PF test they give out to all the outplacement clients. Moderate scores in: moderately impersonal and detached, easily annoyed and less emotionally stable, disregarding of rules, and careless of social rules. Average-level scores in: restraint and seriousness, timid hesitant and intimidated, forthright unpretentious and genuine, and group-oriented/social. I scored high for being tense, overwrought, and frustrated, and VERY high (10s) in abstract thinking and extremely intelligent, dominant assertive aggressive stubborn competitive and bossy, suspicious skeptical hard-to-fool apprehensive, self-blaming insecure worrying, and experimenting liberal critical and open to change. ( 11:35 AM )
Here's today's doll, from ancient Greece.
The cake was very fragile and wanted to break apart in large chunks but I glued it together with frosting and it was good. The ham was, well, it was ham. Certainly not a $40 ham, that's for damn sure. Scandalous.
Nice to see the relatives, J has grown into a big, handsome, boisterous boy. Man, I should say... he is like 23 or 24 or something. Not terribly mature, however, so more like a boy. Aunt G looks very frail, and I fear she's not long for this world. Poor old girl. ( 12:52 AM )
Got my brother L's Giftmas prezzie in the mail yesterday, and he might be reading this so won't mention what it is, but it seems pretty cool. Got his GF's prezzie too, hope she likes it. eBay is a wonderful thing! ( 10:28 AM )
Baking a red-velvet cake for my cousin R's birthday, which is soon, and she and her family are coming over to eat the by-now infamous ham. Hope they like ham, as if they don't that's $40 down the loo, and a massive chunk o' dead pig that'll squat in the fridge for a few weeks until we toss it in the bin. ( 9:32 AM )
|
