Did 2 shops today, got the car washed and vacuumed and primped. Came home and puttered around the house until it was time to make dinner, brought the stuff over to Mom's and made it there as she was too tired to come over and Gram has been pining for her "dawtuh" lately.
(food incidental: we had porkchops marinated in orange-oriental stuff, rice, spinach salad, and fake-yucky low-fat sugar free nasty pudding for dessert. I doused it with spray cream so it was just vaguely chocolately cream)
We spent plenty of time yakking about the men in our lives and how they done us wrong. Gramma has jumped on the H-is-the-cause-of-all-misery-and-unhappiness-in-the-universe bandwagon
No, of course not. That's just... stupid. It's so easy, however, to get into the mindset where it seems like everything really is because that louse of a man dumped you. Most of my problems are my own damned fault, or no one's fault (like my car costing me a frigging fortune in repairs-- I'd like to blame it on my father and stepmother, but can I? No).
Whatever D did to me, however he made me feel, it's my own fault, because I let him. Full stop. No one can treat you poorly unless you let them. So every time he undermined my confidence, made me doubt myself, and smooth-talked me into letting him get his own way, it was ME who is to blame, because I should have punched his goolies up into his chest cavity instead of what I did-- ducking my head like a proper lil serf and doing his whim.
You live and learn. My next boyfriend: Goddess help him. Because I'm not putting up with it again. Goolies, beware.
Yesterday was rather strange. Got up v. early to get to class, and wasn't halfway there before blindingly heavy snowfall forced me to turn back. Reason that was strange? Well, because when I left my house the sky was perfectly clear and blue, with a brightly shining sun. I got on the parkway, and it started to gloom up, and by the time I'd gone 10 miles on the parkway I couldn't see the road or any of the other cars.
So I turned back, and once was off the parkway once more, the weather was fine. Decided to do some grocery shopping, came home. Puttered around the house whilst wondering what missing that day's class meant.
Had a good hard think about it all, and have decided to drop the class. I just have too much going on right now, too much pulling at me, to be able to drive that far and use that much gas on an issue that itself is fraught with stress (class partic., homework, exams, papers).
Also, having a class on a Wed. AM means that the pool of possible jobs I can obtain is drastically reduced. and with all the debt that has piled around me because of my marriage breaking up and this car fiasco, I am just wrung out. My health, both physical and mental, has been suffering.
So after making that decision, M called and I learned that Commons was that night, so I went to her place ~5.30 and P showed up and we took my car to get A and all 4 of us went to Commons, then to the diner afterwards, where I had delicious pate and poulet francaise and REALLY GOOD mashed taters and M and I shared a slice of cheesecake so good my eyes rolled back in ecstasy at the first bite. Came back home pleasantly tired.
Slept in late this AM, then had brekky (apple jacks rule!) and cleaned my bedroom and bathroom v. thoroughly, so the place is shining and sweet-smelling once more (cat litter in the bathroom v. stinky, will never buy inferior non-clumping brand again). Now we're awaiting the arrival of the cable guy, to hook up the tv for Gramma and more importantly, the cable modem for moi. It's been weeks since I've downloaded music or played Diablo, I'm totally jonesing.
Speaking of Diablo, Mark Y. in California, if you're out there and reading this, please email me!! I haven't heard from you in months since you moved, please let me know you're doing ok! Love you! ( 1:22 PM )
They day I've had is beyond my abilities to describe it. I'm numb and speechless. ( 7:48 PM )
Did a few errands w/ Mom today, we'll have cable TV and internet on Thursday, yay! Spent hours on the phone with V (mindless yakking) and M (tearful dredging-up of things better forgotten, i.e. my marriage). She reminded me quite nicely how much of a mess it all was, and my sadness was replaced by the fine glow of anger, so now I feel terrific. Heh. ( 7:53 PM )
God, another boring day. I really need to get a job or something-- if I had money I could *do* things, *go* places. I think I might have to quit my class this semester, I really can't think of a way I can work and still find time to actually attend the class. Goddamnit.
Mom and Gramma are giving L the fatted-calf routine at Mom's right now. I'll have no part of it. ( 3:23 PM )
|
